Miracle: Our Adopion Story

“If you get this baby it will be a miracle, but we believe in miracles.”

-Caseworker Kevin Broderick

I love adoptions stories. I always have, even before I adopted a baby. My husband, David, and I were blessed to have our daughter, Eliza Marie, come to our family through adoption. Since I love to hear how other families adopted, I thought I’d write our adoption story. I apologize that it is so long! Believe it or not, this is actually the concise version. The first short version that I wrote for this blog was a 7 page long Microsoft Word document. My journal entry about it is 16 typed pages.

David and I had been trying to have a baby for a little over a year. I never expected this would be something we’d struggle with. David and I prayed and fasted often for a child. We talked about how we would like to adopt if we continue to be unsuccessful with trying to conceive

In January of 2004, we were living in Merced, California. One evening after a Church program I began talking to Sister Black. She told me about a couple that she knows who adopted four kids. She told me that they got all four of their babies because someone they knew recommended them to birthmothers they knew. This really impressed me.

On my drive home from Church that night I thought about what Sis. Black told me. I committed then that I would get the word out that we would like to adopt. As soon as I returned home I told David about it. He thought it sounded great so he got started right away by calling his mom, Linda.

Unbeknownst to us, at this very same time, many miles away in Alaska, there was a young woman, Amanda, who had recently become pregnant. Her baby’s father had broken up their relationship and encouraged her to place the baby for adoption. She did not believe that was something she could do.

Six months later…

Its July 2004. David and I moved to Virginia. We lived with my parents for about one month while we waited to close on our new home. While there, we received a call one day from Linda. She told us that her sister, Donna has a friend who has a daughter who is pregnant and planning to place her baby for adoption. Donna told her about us and she is considering us. She had heard about how my sister placed a baby for adoption a year and a half before and she liked that we could relate to her side of it

I called LDS Family Services and made an appointment for David and I to meet with a case worker. Our caseworker was Kevin, which was neat because he had helped my sister, Melody, place her son for adoption. At our meeting with Kevin, we told him all about this birthmother that we heard about from David’s mom, who heard it from her sister, who heard it from the birthmother’s mother in Alaska. We told Kevin that she is considering placing the baby with us and that she wants to use LDS Family Services and we need to get signed up. Kevin warned us that he has heard stories like this Many times and it usually doesn’t evolve into anything.

Kevin instructed us to write Amanda a letter and send her some pictures of us. The baby was due the next month, so Kevin gave us a big stack of papers to fill out and we scheduled our next appointment. There is something Kevin said, that stood out to me enough that I remember his exact words:

“If you get this baby, it will be a miracle…. But we believe in miracles.”

Within a day or two we wrote Amanda a letter and sent some pictures to Donna to give to her. Writing that letter was SO HARD I felt like we were trying to sell ourselves. I wanted to be sensitive and compassionate and I was worried of saying the wrong thing that would eliminate us from consideration.

I constantly thought about this little baby. I had heard it was a girl and David and I would sit up in bed at night and talk about it almost every night. We stayed up late trying to pick a name. We knew it was a long shot that we would actually get her, but we couldn’t help daydreaming about it. One morning, David showed me a list he had made. He said that after I fell asleep he stayed up and listed all the girls names he could think of. Then he went through the list and crossed out all the names he didn’t like. He kept eliminating names until he was down to only ONE name, Eliza.

Well a couple of weeks went by since we sent Amanda our letter. We got a call one night from Linda saying that Amanda had narrowed it down to two couples and we were one of them. It was really great news that she had even considered us this much!

Then one afternoon we get a call from Linda…Amanda chose us! It was so hard to believe! I was elated! David was elated! Linda told us that Amanda wanted to know if we would let her choose the middle name. She wanted the baby to have the same middle name as her, Marie. We said, “SURE!!!” I wouldn’t have cared if she picked Helga for a middle name! I was so happy to be getting a baby! Marie worked out great anyway because we were going to name her Eliza Mary. Marie is French for Mary and it sounds better with Eliza anyway.

Amanda’s doctor scheduled an inducement. This baby was coming in 10 days and we were in the middle of moving into our new home. Kevin was coming in a couple of days to do our home study. David and I worked non-stop trying to get moved in and get our home presentable for Kevin. Kevin was great! The process of getting approved for adoption usually takes four to six months. Under the circumstances, Kevin made every effort to complete our home study and paper work ASAP.

I flew out to Alaska arriving on a Thursday morning. I met Amanda and her almost four year old daughter, Katie, her parents and her sister, Debbie that evening. They were all so great. I was so nervous to meet them. I am usually very friendly by nature and normally would have been very comfortable spending time with this nice family. But- under these circumstances, I was nervous and quiet. I worried that everything I said and did was going to be judged. I could do the wrong thing and Amanda wouldn’t want me to raise her child. I felt insecure and I knew I wasn’t being myself. I wanted them to see the happy, friendly, nice person that I am most of the time. They were great, however. Amanda invited me to go shopping with her and her sisters later that evening. Amanda picked out an outfit for Eliza to wear home from the hospital.

Amanda was gracious enough to invite me to see Eliza’s birth. It was hard to watch Amanda go through both the physical and emotional pain. I have always wanted to be a mother but I never pictured becoming one at the price of another woman’s suffering. Eliza was born just after noon on Friday, Aug. 13, 2004. I remember seeing her purpleish looking face for the first time and thinking that she was so beautiful. I actually didn’t expect to think that about a baby who had barely arrived. I genuinely thought Eliza was so beautiful the moment I saw her and not in a fake romantic, artsy way.

Amanda let myself and her family hang around for a little while but then she requested some time alone with the baby. I went out in the hall and went straight to the phone to call David and tell him the Great News, our daughter had arrived. I also called both Grandmas to tell them.

Shortly after that, Debbie and David, Amanda’s father came out into the hallway. They invited me to have lunch with them. During our meal at the Subway, Debbie told me about how Amanda got to this point and how we got picked. A few weeks later, Amanda also told me the story.

Amanda had been married and had Katie. She and her husband divorced and she moved in with her parents. She dated Art, and became pregnant with Eliza. Amanda’s parents encouraged her to place the baby for adoption. Amanda said there is no way she could do that. So she got an apartment of her own and moved out. It was pretty hard to make it completely on her own so she moved back in with her parents a few weeks later. Amanda REALLY wanted to keep Eliza but she just couldn’t. Art didn’t want to be responsible either. Amanda told me the main thing that changed her mind was thinking about the father situation. Katie’s father loves her, pays his child support and he takes her to his home for two weeks annually. Amanda was afraid that Art would not be a father at all. Then Eliza would see that Katie has a dad but she doesn’t. Amanda wanted to give Eliza a father, so she started to consider adoption.

Amanda grew up with a girl named Christy. Christy and her husband live in Utah and they were trying to adopt a baby. Amanda decided for sure to place her baby. She called Christy. Christy said that just the day before they had accepted a baby.

Then Amanda chose another couple from the files she had received from her case worker. She soon learned that they were no longer available. Amanda began to wonder if it was some kind-of sign that she should keep the baby because the first two couples she chose couldn’t take the baby.

She then picked another couple from the 200 internet profiles she viewed, Ben and Holly. Amanda liked that both Holly and I had a sister who placed for adoption. She said that Art came over and looked at the letter we emailed and the many online profiles as well. Both Art and Amanda had independently narrowed it down to David and I and Ben and Holly. Art said he liked us as his first choice and Ben and Holly as his second but Amanda could pick.

Amanda had a hard time choosing. Amanda wanted to be sure before telling the couple. In the car on the way to visit her case worker, Amanda told her mom that she had chosen Ben and Holly. If they were unavailable, then David and I would be second choice.

The case worker asked Amanda who she picked. Amanda told me:

“David and Terry just came out of my mouth. As soon as I said it, I knew that you were supposed to get this baby. My mom asked me if I was sure because I had told her Ben and Holly in the car. I was sure. I knew it was meant to be.”

We so much regret that David didn’t come with me to Alaska at that time. He had just started a new job with Petersburg City Schools and the week Eliza was born, he was required to be at an orientation. We felt stuck. He HAD to have this job to support our little family so he would have to miss this amazing event. We know now that David’s new boss was really nice and she may have helped him get out of the mandatory orientation under these unique circumstances. We wish he could have been there for the birth too.

I stayed in Alaska at Aunt Donna’s house for seven weeks waiting for the background checks and inter-state baby moving permissions. During that time, David did come visit us over Labor Day Weekend. He found that even though his time was so limited, I still hogged the baby. I couldn’t help it. From the time she was born, everyone told me I held her too much. I have never regretted that I did. I waited so long for her. I feared I may never have another baby so I wanted to hold her all the time.

During David’s visit, he was able to meet Amanda, Katie, and Debbie.

Amanda invited me to stay the night with her in her hospital room with the baby. It was great because I had the opportunity to talk to her for a few hours and get to know her. I was able to get up with Eliza during the night and take care of her.

The next day, when Eliza was 30 hours old, we prepared to leave the hospital. Amanda dressed Eliza and then strapped her into the car seat. Toni and Aunt Donna parked their cars on the hospital curb. Amanda kissed Eliza good-bye. She had tears running down her cheeks and she couldn’t really talk. I was crying, everyone was crying. It was so sad and intense. Debbie put her arm around Amanda and walked her to their van. I was so thrilled to be taking Eliza home but I felt guilty about it at the same time because it hurt Amanda so much. I clicked the car seat into the base. I wanted to sit in the back seat next to Eliza. I held onto the car seat and looked at her the whole way home.

The next day Amanda brought Art by the house to see Eliza. He was a little nervous and quiet, but kind and polite. Amanda told me later that Art remarked to her as they left that he thought I would be a good mom. It was nice to hear that.

The day after that, Amanda and her family went to Utah for a couple of weeks. When Amanda got back to town, she called me and invited me out to dinner. From there, we started to see each other almost everyday. I am so happy I had that time in Alaska with Amanda. I had five weeks to get to know her and her family. I found that Amanda’s family and the family I grew up in actually share a lot of things in common. Amanda and her family are part of my family now. We are very much connected.

It is so amazing to look back on these events and see how evident God's hand was in all of this. I know that God planned for Eliza to come to our family. It is awesome how He directed our actions and the actions of many others along the way to bless us so much.

Take a look at this adoption slide show too, please!!!